I just took a girl with a hip brace and crutches on a date. she obviously can't bone. is it rude to demand a blowjob?
I just got fire extinguished by his roommate while we were having sex. That's just taking cock blocking to a whole new level.
I like your house better though. Cause it has febreeze and lube.
I don't think you have any idea how kinky that sounds.
you're a mystery wrapped in an enigma. wrapped inside a burrito.
Hes screaming about Slender man. whatever hes on is probably not healthy.
At some point last night Lemondrops turned into me doing shots of vodka and eating sugar packets at the bar.
Just threw up. It looks like I may have swallowed a cigarette.
pain. pain everywhere. this is why throwing yourself at concrete is a bad idea.
The ideal thing to do next party is to tape my boobs down so they don't knock over the pong cups while playing defense. They came back to hurt us this time
I can't remember dinner
Hahaha "rub in the ketchup on your face, It'll just look like blush." some gay waiter said that to you, and you go "good idea!"
Well that was the first and last time I've had to write "divorce party" on a request time off form. I'm throwing it for my mom. What is my life turning into.
I mean in all honesty I would let James Franco shit on my chest. End of story
Never ever make a tattoo bet. I now have a shamrock on my dick.
I'm basically the yoda of knowing when someone wants to sleep with you
I'm going to target high, just in case I ask you where my paycheck went later
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