You just made me feel so damn special
So, someone in Olympia stole my credit card # last week and bought a platypus vibrator with it. That’s it.
Masterbating to gospel music is like god cheering on your orgasm
doing laundry. just found my fishnets from Friday. the ENTIRE crotch is torn out. guess that answers the "did we have sex in the cab" question.....
She said I was the most selfish person in bed she's ever been with and she's fucked Tucker Max.
In the last 3 months, I've slept with an ex,someone single, someone in a relationship, someone married, and someone divorced. I should get some type of grown up girl scouts badge.
Don't mind me. My boyfriend is carrying me because I'm broken not because I'm drunk.
It's not even 9:30 yet..
I haven't been sober in 4 days.
Then be sober
No.
As I came the Sportcenter app played that "dah nuh nuh" chime. Top ten life highlight?
I mean, except for the part where I was vomiting up pineapple and hot sauce, it was a really fun time.
Let's make an agreement. No drugs until you finish all your homework. I'm hiding them as we speak.
There's no sexy way to moan the name Ernest. Or Ernie. This relationship is fucked
I'm going to make you a sign to put on your penis to ward others off
Was reaching for my vibrator this morning out of my nightstand and strained my neck muscle. I'm getting so old.
theres a girl in the library eating whip cream out of a starbucks cup... only whip cream, im way to high for this shit
Randomize
