Yeah, getting the HI-fiVe would really put a damper on my whoring around.
went to sleep on the couch in jeans and socks. woke up in bed totally nude no memory of moving. best farewell party ever
you were convinced campus grass and foliage would give you your daily serving of vegetables to balance out the amount of alcohol you drank.
i just remebered that we smoked out my hamster yesterday...
i hope hes still alive. i just remember you give him a shit load of cereal and saying "trust me your going to need it"
Why is the garage door in the middle of the street?
He was eating mac and cheese. Raw. Like as in he was eating the uncooked noodles then pouring the dry cheese in his mouth.
Just remembered getting lost in a "shortcut" through yards and GPSing my way home last night
the only way to explain how i feel is someone rolled me down a big fucking hill and then a dog came a took a huge ruthless shit in my mouth at the bottom
Just watched a deer get gangbanged in my front yard by 5 bucks. Wtf animal kingdom
I find it very uncomfortable that I need to ask you to stop sending me pictures of your stomach
I was having trouble getting it up so she grabbed it and said "no, it's too big to fail"
it is basically gonna be an ugly Christmas sweater rave
You'd be proud. Took my birth control today at 12:30 with a Budweiser. Guy across the bar saw and held his bottle up to salute me 😂
He told me that he wants to fuck me only wearing a princess tiara...How could I possibly say no to that?
He was someone so memorable that I'd completely forgotten he'd existed up to and during the encounter
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