i'm officially boycotting relationships. hello random hook ups and treating men like meat.
i think she is mad at you for trying to take a shit in the back seat of her car
Sorry I had passed out by this time I think, with the chicken fingers ON my face in my bed, with all the lights on, and ketchup all over.
as they left, you opened the door, dropped your pants then yelled "don't leave, this is what you're missing"
I am currently google image searching dick piercings, trying to see what I'm getting myself into.
in a garage, wearing a toga, theyre debating the logistics of Coke Pong. If I don't make it out of here... it was me who stole your Barbie in the 4th grade- I've never forgiven myself.
No, but its not like diarrhea. i swear its like my intestines had a secret bank account and i just punched in the right pin.
If I get over there and the april fools joke is that there's no HBO, I'm setting fire to the place.
I can't ever date him again. Whenever I see his face I just remember helplessly pissing myself in my car.
okay. well, yeah. i'm a mess and a half. this shit is not what dumbledore died for.
we broke the bed, curtan rods, a dresser drawer, and unless I didn't notice it before, we put a hole in the wall. This is why he and I have to fuck in motels.
What do you take me for? I'm not trying to lure you into bed with stories of my dead aunt.
On a scale from 1 to banned, how offensive do you think it would be to wish my vibrator happy Valentine's Day on various social media outlets?
I'm about to play another round of who's panties are in my car.
you said it was a life or death situation, being your partner for beer pong doesn't count
Randomize
