whats a more ladylike way to say "fuck me on your lunch break"?
so I think I'm done having sex with her, she's way too crazy
what about the blowjobs for adderall?
no those are still okay
So, just so you know... Your vasectomy worked.
bonus
At dinner I grabbed his hand and he screamed "mom she just grabbed my penis" the proceeded to shove my hand down his pants! Hello Mr.Dick!
I told the cop it was my birthday and he said "happy fuckin birthday", handcuffed me and threw me in the back of the cop car.
We woke up, fucked, and shared a piece of my sister's first communion cake for breakfast.
And you thought you were going to hell last weekend.
so,apparently a side effect from having sex on the beach is now i have a tanline shaped like your sister
i hate you
Btw, just wanna point out that you've hooked up with two guys whose birthdays are today. Congratulations, you have a type!
New hot neighbor boys moving in across from us...So i did the logical thing and bought two 30 packs up the hill and walked right by em. Consider the line hooked and ready to reel.
It's not socially acceptable to be drunk in adult world. That fact makes me die a little inside.
Come over. I have beer, your weird ass vegan pizza, and a raging hard on.
Marry me.
He's attempting to seduce me with thanksgiving-themed sexual metaphors... It's working.
I wanna die. I can't recall the last time I was happy that doesn't involve your hand touching my butt.
I'm sorry I didn't get you anything for your birthday
It's just you didn't get me the fucking bear suit last year
You were so drunk you told some dude your life story in one short sentence... and kissed his fiancé. You're invited to the wedding.
Randomize
