maybe you should take the dick out of your mouth before you start talking.
i did. i'm using it as a microphone.
You were running around the house covered in syrup, with shredded down pillow feathers on your body screaming "AFLACK!" at everyone
like why cant he just admit that he still wants to fuck me even though im underage
id like to point out that while i was just peeing a condom fell out of my vag.
She just said she wanted to get freaky and left the room. I'm almost certain I just heard the microwave.
I did the mature thing and subtweeted that bitch. She follows me so she'll see.
On a Thurs night I found myself drunk in a limo w 9 dudes on my way to a strip club. Once there I was handed $100 in ones and told "spend it." I need a husband. Or Jesus.
Three Asian guys got on the elevator with a handle of Hennessey and a sleeping bag. This is not the start of a joke.
Got a high five from a Superman stripper tonight
You start to question your party girl tendencies when you're wearing the same shirt you wore the night before to work and you're trying to get last nights Jell-O shot off the sleeve on your way to work
And he's back on taking these stupid testosterone supplements to kickstart him back into working out. And they just make him angry and horny all the time. I'm like great, just in time to meet my whole family for Christmas.
I feel like my life just hangs in the balance of "Yeah I'm probably not doing this right"
Well I mean I HAD done a pretty good job of not pooping myself through the years
At 10 PM you were shit faced in the kitchen makin nachos... Naked. I wasn't sure what to do besides walk away...
what a classic moment of my life. A buffet of taco bell and a taser gun.
Randomize
