so i replaced his speed with my ped egg shaveings
dont u have athletes foot?
is it normal that we went to that class once and both got 100's on the final? ohhhh, arizona state.
This is the 4 year anniversary of the last time I shit my pants. Let's get drunk...
Just realized my talking to the tv hockey voice is same as my sex voice. Life just got a whole lot weirder.
Due to our sore throats we are now doing bong hits with cranberry juice to sooth it.
Either way, he made a blog for his cat.
Yes, that was ME getting carried out of the club singing 'i believe i can fly'
Tonight just feels like one of those I'm going to lose a shoe nights.
Got a blowie from her in the cab on the way home. Made awkward eye contact with the cabbie who said, and I quote "Keep the mess in her mouth bro", I did so only out of respect
By the way, we're gonna have to get a new rug for the livingroom i kinda started ours on fire...
You're in a tuxedo, you can pee wherever you want.
He was gunna drive a half hour for a makeout sesh. Time to take the diapers off and learn about the wonders of the penis, dude
I'M TRYING. TO WATCH. PORN. PLS HAVE UR IMPORTANT DISCUSSIONS ELSEWHERE FUCKERS
What's the world record for number of orgasms reached on ones birthday? Asking for a friend.
The guy I hooked up with two weeks ago just friended me on Venmo, I honestly won't be mad if he pays me for the sex
Randomize
