Successfully pulled the houdini tonight. Check that off my list.
My balls are so social today.
the table of underagers at this wedding were seated 10ft from the open bar. currently 30 open containers on the table for 5 people. dinner hasn't even been served yet.
It's been five and a half years since she and my brother stopped dating. I feel like that's a long enough grace period. Going for it.
what part of “beer fountain” do you not understand
Sober December ended when I found beer behind my bed...I lost $2000 but spent 6 hours sober. Meet me at the bar?
And leave it to John to ask the cabby to make a Porno in his cab
I found a video of myself completely naked on my phone giving a drunk tutorial on how to shit properly while blindfolded. Did you record it?
Been trying to fuck him since december. Finally got him into bed and he was uncircumcised. Why do bad things happen to good people?
Did I call him? He cried after taking my bra off. You tell me.
I'm in Home Depot and I can feel the straight bob the builders staring at me. I bet it's like I have a rainbow arrow pointing at me.
Literally sucked a dick for ten seconds before I said to myself, this tiny ass penis isn't worth it. My night last night
After dropping your phone on the ground you got down and sat with it, kissed it and apologized for being so mean
He can sense you did cocaine and had park sex with a large ginger from Australia last night.
I might be a bit late, couldn't find my pants and had to go to the police station. Unrelated
Randomize
