i'm pretty sure i'm on the same train we took last friday..
what?how do you know?
it appears they have not cleaned up your vomit yet.
America approved of our night. A bald eagle flew over us at 7am
I know everyone screamed lady cop instead of cops. I wanted to apologize to her for our chauvinism
IDK who she called, but some guy came into the party, flying drop kicked Joe said never again. She has to invite him around again.
Dude. 21 days till I'm 21. It's the 21 day countdown. The 25 days of Christmas can suck my dick.
EVERY guy that's EVER been in my vagina has texted me tonight for a booty call. Narrow it down to the greatest hits or just work in timeline order?
I can only take thier stupid "I think beauty school is for me" routine so long until I have to bitch slap them with some knowledge
my grandpa is going down the line on this prom picture, and telling me how big everyone's nipples are... he was spot on for me.
Yes. Amanda is the only option and I want cake so I can sacrifice my vagina.
No shame December is a go.
I thought he put a fake swan in my yard, but no, he put a real life swan in my yard
DRAW HIM A PICTURE OF SOME FUCING AWESOME THING. LIKE A UNICORN OR SOME SHIT. FANTASTIC.
I was just tryna bring you beer girl. I should've known you'd be shirtless though
How have you never felt a dick as hard as mine?
sometimes you just gotta rip off the nipple tape and get it done.
why did i wake up in the bathroom?
we had to stay with you a while until we convinced you it wasn't safe to wash your face, then you fell asleep with your foot in the toilet.
Randomize
