I cannot find my penis.
...i had to draw her a diagram of her own vagina. including a little arrow to the clitoris. shouldn't it be the other way around?!?
That's true. There's really no bad time to take a Vicodin.
It is the Reeses peanut butter cup of pharmaceuticals.
Someday you'll be stoned enough to create a one-person step team and then you'll understand
can you just act like it's not so easy to get a blowjob from me??
She slapped me in the face with a McDouble. Just threw it right at my face while I was driving... That is why we can't bring her out in public.
I feel so much better about my break up knowing that he's having his 26th birthday at Rollar kingdom\n
I just woke up in my locked bathroom. It's 5 PM. What happened?
Yes. That was the exact moment of my conscience clicking into instant high alert.
Happy 4th. Did you guys get your syphilis thing taken care of?
That moment when you realize the hot british guy named rory you drunkenly made out with at a bar is American, is named Tyler, and has a girlfriend.
I thought you died. Don't forget it's burger night.
I just want to smoke weed and be the little spoon all winter. My modern day hibernation.
I still judge her for aggressively trying to get coke from my date but pretty cool that she's a black belt
its as if im in a choose your own adventure book. except im not the reader and someone else is choosing my fate...one awesome decision at a time.
Randomize
