this guy showed up at my house asking for his sword and cape. something tells me i shouldn't drink that much again.
side note. good thing you didn't come to drunk breakfast. we were judged by children.
Your penis has nothing to do with my throat infection, sorry...
He kept checkin to make sure you were still alive after you passed out on his bed, After like the 4th time he walked back in there you were naked on his bed eating an apple, claiming he needed to be the Adam to your Eve..That drunk..
Ten minute nap on a staircase honey badger don't care
I love you. Mom got to wasted at the wedding that she threw up on my shirt.
God gave me a talent besides one night stands. I feel like I should use it
Thank you for the legal advice. I hope I can pay you in blow jobs.
Whiskey and tits go great with anything. Especially fire.
I tried to have sex on someone's sisters horse last night
he's just got his life so together and it makes my pussy wet.
Like not to be gross, he was eating me out while I was smoking a bowl. It was like a rap video
Almost lost a vagina lip in the great shave of '16
He just jumped up off the couch, screamed "ITS OVER NINE THOUSAND!" And then attempted to fly out the window like a bird. I don't know nor do I care to know what just happened
Love waking up to a new contact named “Pizza” btw
And I’m prepared, because I'm in it to win it (and by win I mean get railed hard)
Randomize
