I thought the fact that I took home a 42 year old with 3 kids would excuse my tardiness this morning because my boss is also 42 and has 3 kids. Boy was I wrong.
Have you not heard of Jennifer's supreme lust for William Shatner? She wants to eat Taco Bell off of his love handles
if she mentions anything about chili and my phone, just go with it
I just dont think you can meet a stranger after youve heard them cum through the walls though
She won't let me open the car door while we are on the highway so I can throw up outside. She deserves to have her car thrown up in.
RIGHT?!?! I'M ACTUALLY UPSET I DON'T GET TO MAKE THE 2.3 MILE TREK TO SUCK HIS COCK, yes I google earthed it.
I make your heart skip a beat like that pivotal moment when you open a public toilet lid
If we worried less about pouring champagne down stripper crack, we probably wouldn't skip so many meals.
People dont know what to do when a naked fat guy is running towards them. they panic
I woke up in a tow truck cuddling plan b. Can you pick me up?
Mom just sent me an email. The subject line is "How to avoid a urinary tract infection"
LET IT GO MOM
well smoking weed has become a deal breaker for me so I pretty much use "let's go smoke a blunt" as an icebreaker
There's nothing wrong with using cocaine to keep my heart rate up in my fitness class.
You were just laying there on the air mattress watching spongebob with a knife. We tried to take it from you, but you insisted it was your emergency escape in case you started to float off.
My parents heard a lamp fall and crash and the dogs were barking like crazy so my mom got up to check. she found you peeing in a corner by the tv. And you kept shhhing her.
Randomize
