OH RELAX, IT WAS PITY SEX.....
we've reached the level in our friendship where i don't think he would rape me
Your favorite bartender is back from prision
so i was trying to be sexy and unzip his pants with my teeth. i got my lip caught in the zipper and it bled for a good 15 min, totally a mood killer.
good thing vaginas are great cup holders
10 dollar pizza all the toppings you want. Wait Until You See This Pizza
I was hoping we just happened to wake up naked and I hadn't fucked him.... no such luck.
she won't be coming home tonight because she tried stealing a baby giraffe from the zoo
It was like a lincoln log. Seriously. I don't know who's more pissed, me or my vagina...worst.hookup.ever.
Whoever labeled dysfunctional a bad thing obviously never saw this frinedship coming.
As we have told you before, the first rule of hook-up bingo is we don't talk about hook-up bingo
I took the pregnancy test for shits and giggles, but neither shits nor giggles were had.
Do NOT approach him. He has sex with everything. LITERALLY everything, and I DO mean everything. He's so horny we once caught him with his dick in a pumpkin. A legitimate honest to God pumpkin that he bored a hole in
Hope everything goes ok. If it makes you feel better, I straightened vomit into my hair and killed a bird earlier.
Thanks for being my best friend so I can use you as an alibi to my family while I'm out getting some dick in my face.
Randomize