Exactly. I don't do penetration on the first date. Blowjobs however are perfectly acceptable.
I encourage the greeting beej. It determines if the dick is worth keeping around.
Just downloaded the entire Justin Bieber album sober.. I think you know how I'm doing.
She gave him HEAD floating down the river in a tube as big a a tire. I just don't know how to compete with that sort of level of slut.
She threw all the patio furniture in the pool saying she was building a castle.
Do you think she hates me because I thought her roommate's name actually was Butterface?
We're gonna have screwdrivers in a cab at 4am?
Is that weird?
I'm not saying I'm drunk, but I'm definitely saying my liver has its work cut out for it.
Just rolled up to a matinee showing of THE HOBBIT. At the dollar theater. Alone. In sweats. With a fifth of sunnybrook and leftover pizza in a ziplock. There's a dude here in cape with his elderly mother. I'm handling this breakup FIIIIIINE.
Because 9 pm Thursday you drink a loco cause you just wanna get drunk and have a good time with your friends. Then you wake up on Tuesday and you've had 17 locos and you're pregnant, lying on the side of the road, 3 states over. THAT'S why we don't have only locos parties.
I couldn't find any flowers so I brought her a cat.
you can tell a lot about a person by the quality of their porn
Why were you naked on your bathroom floor?
It was a "get entirely naked to take a shit" kind of blackout I think.
it wasnt that bad
you tried to climb into my fireplace while screaming TO DIAGON ALLEY! we didnt even watch harry potter. it was bad
your mom was just petting me...I am strangely comfortable with it
My brain is like a TV with 10 channels, 9 of them are static and the other one just plays that one Nagito Komaeda edit on loop 24/7
Randomize
