next time the cops show up in riot gear we should probably leave
and miss being on the news....no way
weed brownie and a latte, breakfast of champions
I will not ride trays down a flight of stairs topless and drunk....
I created another version of Halloween, it's called swalloween, whatever girl in a slutty costume you bring home has to swallow or forever be known as the holiday grinch
he has this weird thing where he watches me pee
Really because I got kicked out the eagles game for running up n down the steps singing ' fly eagles fly ' then punched a Dallas fan in the face before the game even started..
YOUR DICK HAS BEEN IN ME I DO NOT WANT TO BE SET UP TO MEET YOUR FRIENDS
My dick pics could make it to the popular page on Instagram.
He put his name in my phone as David Hot Guy With Tattoos and I fell in love because that's what I was going to change his name to anyways
All I know is I drank too much, danced too little.. yet somehow woke up on the floor in the arms of some cowboy.
Ew. He is mine. We all know that if he has a mid-life crisis and decides to sleep with a student, I AM THAT STUDENT. She's not friends with him on FB. Reassuring.
I would eat the Denny's grand slam special out of my new probation officers b hole
I just remember yelling "BODY SHOTS BODY SHOTS BODY SHOTS" while I was streaking
The stripper was dressed as the green lantern. Even for a geeky girls' bachelorette party it was lame ass.
I just pulled back the shower curtain to reveal Cinnamon Toast Crunch and a spoon in the bathtub. Ambien is a hell of a drug.
Randomize
