Theres a random in my bed. Omg but at least he's a law student?
i just heard my neighbor say from outside my window "i don't give a shit what he does, what the hell am i gonna do with my son's penis?"
First guy to fuck a girl in the new tool shed. Her underwear is on the shovel hook.
And then he asked the cop "shall i shut off the lady gaga?" as he was being frisked.
She bet her virginity on the Celtics. Looks like Kobe wont be the only one breaking in a new ring.
Your penis chewing exercise is not working
At what point lastnight did a lens fall out of my glasses and nobody tell me?
Just so you know, your wedding is in the same place I gave my first bj.
I have woke up on a strange couch, in a strange house, on another campus. Can you Friend-Find me and pick me up?
I'm gone to the point of literally hugging trees, partially for support, but also because I like them.
It's like the bat signal. He only texts me when I'm naked.
My walk of shame wasn't complete until I projectile vomited clutching my truck bumper while he just smiled with that look of regret.
There's not really an emoticon that says "I'm sorry I honked your boobs, and that you weren't a fan of that."
Explain to me how we're not being documented on? A gynecologist I saw two times 8 years ago popped up on my people you may know list on fb. What in the actual fuck?
It's the first weekend of the school year and I'm already selling stuff for booze. Need a microwave?
Randomize
