My gyno told me the birth control she prescribed reduces sex drive
wats the point then?
how do I set my phone to only ring when I'm asleep when sex is certain?
Hi, my name's audrey!
Max?
Sorry, this girl is phone-stealing drunk.
The last thing I remember is you asking me how to grow french fries.
best line ever after sex today..."wow, that was a porn-star sized load"
You were pretty committed to that cat costume. Between pukes, you would meow and assure people that you just had a hairball you couldn't get out...
i will pay you if you can come get me. he just suggested that we would have a hockey themed wedding.
Just had a flashback of you announcing "your nipples aren't that big for the size of your boobs, I've seen them"
It would be like bopping for an apple with my penis but never winning an actual prize. The only thing I would get from it would be the joy from taking part but then regretting it forever more
It was more like a tour de entire bottle of wine in 14 minutes
My parents called me out on catching us walking home from the bar in a swimming motion because "it was too windy to walk" home...
Oh god. Just tried to hail a pizza delivery car. Awkward.
International sake day = success
I'm not sure what step "make amends" is, but my phone is on
if you arent using your penis to save lives, then what good is it?
My fire has petered out without you
My Peter has fired out without you
That might be the most romantic thing you’ve said to me, unfortunately.
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