Your my favorite hello and hardest goodbye.
And I especially mean that last part, half the time you pass out somewhere and it is impossible to get you to leave.
All that matters is I got the megaphone home safely
I think i lit a firework with a joint. happy birthday, america?
They glued all of the ceiling tiles shut.
oh my god. you caused complete remodeling to a college campus that you don't even go to
If the boyfriend of the drunk girl you just met asks her if she made a "special friend" you're going to have a threesome. For future reference.
Finals are done.. I just wanna get drunk and pretend I'm a seahorse.
Just in case you were wondering..... I really did just wave goodbye to you with my penis.
i ordered a pipe on amazon, and under recommended items, it gave me a top hat. it knows me better than my parents.
he told me i could have the honorable privilege of being the second girl to have sex with him in his new apartment, what a gentleman.
im just laying in bed, eating, getting fat, enjoying eating and getting fat, thinking about how i will probably have to get a fat boyfriend.
He just pulled a Spanish chick using google translate!!!! We are at the bar and she speaks zero English. Hes a fucking magician!!!!!!
Worse. He's Mormon. At least a gay guy will go get drinks with me.
You were just laying there on the air mattress watching spongebob with a knife. We tried to take it from you, but you insisted it was your emergency escape in case you started to float off.
My boss's toddler just went through my bag and found your vibrator...you owe me a drink.
I just found a baklava I forgot I got last night so we can call it a day
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