You proceeded to call me a hoe and then informed me that Bear Grylls is and always will be more important than I am to you.
the recent google searches were "were can i buy a porn horse, why does my heart hurt after drinking, and orlando's teen night..." your thought process perplexes me
Your ability to be a slut in your nightmare astounds me
It's a 2 hour train ride a 7 in the morning, of course we're bringing alcohol
Woke up in the front yard with a chalupa and a firecracker in my back pocket. It's what the founding fathers would want
I'm standing in the shower drinking with the light off and a candle lit, listening to Amy Winehouse. Be proud.
Definitely sounds like it's time for some eggs with a side of strap on
No. I'm too high for this. I gotta focus my mind for my future Hooter's interview
I've fucked 6 of my brothers' friends. I'm completely fine with him fucking the girl we ate lunch with.
fuck off. It's 10am and I'm drink gin and ginger ale through a twizzler straw. My life is marvellous
So how does one go about leaving their family vacation to hang out with someone they met on tinder
I feel like sleeping with foreign people is a long term investment. It's like a time share. Now when I go to London I have a place to stay.
I may be a complete scumbag but even im not willing to spend a grand and sit on a plane for 24 hours just for shrooms and a blowjob
he’s basically the devil with a fuck boy hair cut and chlamydia
I canceled a date last night to eat pop tarts and go to bed early
Randomize
