Don't you ever say "drinking at 2" as if it's a bad thing again. I'm asking you as a friend here.
I'm still trying to figure out how you came back with chinese food, and a spoon covered in icing saying 'cake..'
I need to get my pants from under your porch. People are asking questions.
Damn you and your Monday night power hours.
you can officially check off peeing off the 5th floor while shouting "I want to break the guinness world record for longest piss stream" off your college to do list.
Dude, double fisting packs of Ramen saved my life last night
I look like shit btw. Like the joker from Batman.
I'm not sure how that's possible unless you put on face paint. Which I would respect.
I mean I kinda plunged vagina first into my last relationship
I think there's an ice cream truck out back, but there's no way I can get pants on in time to catch it
He started yelling "you tha man!" while I was reverse cowgirl
They're the one who can profit the most when given the opportunity for blackmail.
At least that's how I've always seen it whenever I've been the Designated Driver.
That simultaneously explains everything and makes me very very terrified of you.
I think I just got buffalo sauce on my penis. Is that a turn on or off?
Woke up naked with a post-it that said "don't ask questions" on my ass...i know im not supposed to ask but uhm what did I do?
Love it. I wish you see me right now. I'm counting cash on my bed with no shirt on, beauty and the beast sound track on blast. Fucking creepin it up.
Southwest doesn't have zingzang bloody Mary mix. I'm gonna file a complaint with the FAA
Randomize