hot girl, 5 o clock
do you know how to read a clock?
I just learned that your liver regrows itself every 2 months. Best news I've heard all week.
I hope my liver is having as much fun as I am
It was 5 a.m. and we found him making margaritas with nyquil...
i was surprised by the severity of his small dick condition
You know, I never expected to find myself with a roommate who I'd have to ask not to have sex while I'm in the room. And yet, here we are.
He said to use 30 racks as chairs and then drink til we fall thru the box
Bring one of those heart stabber things in case you go into shock. I'll jab you.
You go to bars with sophisticated older men, I steal lawn ornaments. Priorities
Did your surprise acid trip turn out well?
Found my ex-boyfriend's money stash. Call the girls, we are getting fucked up tonight, my treat.
you dont know your limits until you wake up with a black eye and a bruised rib and find out you got ran over by a bicycle last night
I'm so glad I can be everyone's guide to the world of fucked up kinks
He's getting so into these sexts, I hate to tell him I'm fully clothes, watching Bring It On and eating chips and salsa.
DID YOU OR DID YOU NOT, PEE IN MY FUCKING TRASHCAN?!
Randomize
