My fight-or-flight response is really more fight-or-fuck
ive decided something. ive accepted you as being gay. but i havent accepted you as a vegetarian yet.
Thanks for putting the blue stuff in the toilet, it made me throwing up this morning more enjoyable.
I just watched a girl in the library pull a vodka bottle out of her bag. I think I'm going to give her my number.
Im thinking about quitting weed for my dog
Also I climbed atop a mailbox with a toilet paper hat and a wolverine claw made of glowsticks, screaming at passers-by that they were going to die. Control me
If your mother gets up on the bar again, I will. The bouncer already had a talk with her earlier.
She's in the bathroom. Literally just told me she could make a guy cum using just her words. Not bad for Sunday brunch.
He sat on me and said I owed him $10, when I asked why he just said "lap dance"
this is the first time in over a year I had a pregnancy scare and actually would have known who the father was. I guess this is what adulthood feels like.
We were mid fuck, and he did a Kermit the Frog impression. Is it weird that I was strangely turned on?
My RA just sigh me high as fuck acting like a zombie and scratching at my door. Thoughts?
I changed his name in my phone to "Irrelevant" last night. Not changing it back.
HOW CAN YOU EXPECT ME TO KEEP YOUR SECRETS IF YOU KEEP ON TELLING ME THEM.
Hey did you take a shower last night at like 4am?
"ummm...." (Thinking in my head) wet towel, soaking wet hair, clean pjs on backwards... "that would make more sense then what I thought happened..."
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