If my vag had twitter, what do you think it would say?
Tittie bar + Mother In law gone = mission accomplished.
My water bill is like twice the normal amount. I need a boyfriend.
Do I even want to know?
She's going to get me a sippy cup for christmas. If I can't open it, I can't have any more to drink. Seem reasonable?
To tired for the bar. Came home and drank wine out of the bottle. Kind of don't want to know what that says about my life.
Just gave a blow job while wearing a shirt that says 'world's coolest mom' idk how my conscience feels...
after all you did bang a few mechanics. you must have got some second hand skills by now for building us a go kart.
I JUST HAD A FLASH MEMORY OF DOING A SHOT OF WHISKEY WITH MY BEER YOU WERE SUPPOSED TO PUNCH ME IN THE FACE TO PREVENT THAT FROM HAPPENING.
Lol what? Monday night impromptu acid drop was the alternative.
You know I ate twenty hot dogs in an hour once.
I am honestly so surprised you are a lesbian.
Just figured out my hair is long enough to tie my wrists together. . .get over here NOW!
I almost died in that meeting. Nearly dried up and blew away in the pure powder form of boredom
I know that feel bro
I'm just trying to win a butt plug dude
so this maintenance guy stood at the corner of my cubical and scratched his balls for like a full minute cause he thought no one could see him
That guy u hooked me up with kept calling me james while were doing it...
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