that's the type of pussy you go to the bathroom and wack off before you fuck her, just to last longer inside of her!
after we finished we were both getting water at the kitchen sink...butt naked
so?
then my sister's foreign roommate walked out...in footy pajamas
yeah. then i thought it would be a good idea to show them how hairy my armpits were, so they'd be distracted from the bush in my pants. EPIC FAIL.
He probably put up nude pics. He seems like that kind of guy.
I woke up covered in my own vomit with a pocket full of napkins. I guess I knew I would need them, but was not coherent enough to use them before passing out.
you tried to clear everyones facebook status so that yours would be the only one on everyones home page
Is drinking merlot and watching womens figure skating by myself gay?
All the walks of shame were condensed into the hour before parents started showing up. Move out day is so bittersweet
It's like playing clue with my own life. I have to piece together what I did, where I was, how I did it, and who I did it to
Last time I saw him the sun was coming up and he was asleep in the student wellness parking lot. For some reason people were peeing on him.
As the guy I'm having sex with on the side I shouldn't ask you how to dump my boyfriend. But you are the most emotionally detached person I know.
It's one of those mornings where you wake up and want to go to church for the first time in ten years. THAT shameful.
No more cocaine. I spent two hours in my bathroom convincing myself I was ugly. Is this what a period feels like?
You're the worst gay friend ever.
but it was less of a make out and more of a goodnight kiss as a "thanks for giving our drunk asses a ride home and sorry we called your bar the worst bar in LA"
I told him if he wanted to lose weight he had to learn self control. Less than ten minutes after that I ate a cookie off the floor...
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