Well maybe next time you won't tell me to do whatever I want.
operation have a gay friend backfired
If it looks like I didn't change from last night, it's because I didn't.
I walk in to see her roommate half naked on their stripper pole. I knew I was home.
don't think this is any sort of attachment thing but if I'm going to throw up regularly at your house, I'm going to keep a tooth brush there
Quick question... Can I call you daddy? Or would that just really made the whole 8 year age gap a bigger deal...?
In other more interesting news I'm going to arrange a surprise orgy. You in?
its the kind of night you break several limbs and say you were lucky
As part of the off-hours team building exercises, I had my new coworkers figure out to push me back to the hotel from the nearby bars in a shopping cart every night for a week.
Gay bathhouses. They're actually a thing. So god does exist. And he doesn't hate me as much as you think he does
In all honesty the person most likely to secretly slip me drugs would be ... Me
I'm actually pinning crap for Friendsgiving like a boss right now. These bitches better show up.
Wait you actually sent a text to your self saying “love you I miss you"?
Seriously my new passion in life is the girth of his penis
It’s so white trash that I almost have to have it.
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