he got wood on it!
i know. i had to sit in his lap on the plane. he also wore teva sandals.
...i was talking about hockey
im about as happy as oj after his trial
Her vagina was like a man-sized safe.
I need to surround myself with more reliable stoners...
The weird kid in front of me is reading an article titled "why don't i have a girlfriend?" the article then continues to talk about the mathematical equation for obtaining a girlfriend. exhibit a of why he is single
Oh my god, I hid a wine bottle in my boot.
I think I have vodka in my lungs
I have no idea what to do about this. He has a power over me and I think its called his tongue.
Only once have I found myself in the condom aisle holding a bundt cake...
I just ran into the married chick you banged 2 years ago at our apt! She asked me if I could get her coke! Memories bro. Memories
My parents called me out on catching us walking home from the bar in a swimming motion because "it was too windy to walk" home...
I feel like she is getting all kinds of bacterial exposure that may otherwise have been avoided had she been wearing pants
I'm sorry I missed your birthday brunch. If it makes you feel any better I woke up wearing someone else's toga and a sombrero
Ummm so he didn't think I was serious about breaking up... Most awkward conversation ever
i have a serious question for you... Why I am i not wearing any pants?
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