i just smoke outta the biggest bowl i've ever seen. the kid was totally compensating for a tiny weeenie.
well i did feel guilty about it. until i saw how hot the guy was the next day. now, nothing but pride.
Also I have uncooked pasta. I was hoping that could get cooked at your place. Don't ask about the circumstances that I came into ownership of uncooked pasta
Quote of the night award goes to my father "I like wearing my swim trunks around the house because they are cooler and more blousy for my balls". Yay dad
I am drunk please bring Taco Bell and sex
Never mind I found pizza just bring sex
When you and Blake get an apartment I want you to buy this Costco couch I'm currently passing out on.
Apparently I'm a "fire hazard"
I was sending him tit pics while watching how to train your dragon 2. It was everything.
I wouldn't marry anyone who wouldn't symbolically fuck a doughnut with a sausage though.
I literally woke up walked into the bathroom, threw up and died this morning. Then went to my 8am.
I don't get promposals. When I asked my date I was so drunk I couldn't lift my head. Then I puked on my lawn after he said "ok whatever". That's romance
Why are there four guys spooning on the living room floor?
They're still there? Shit. They were supposed to leave after they hugged it out.
I'm good. Got my nipples pierced and threw my back out. 🙌
you tried to fight the cop who was busting the party, you said you had a constitutional right to do a keg stand...
No, I told him I was busy again this weekend. Eventually he’ll learn. Plus, absence makes the cock grow harder
Randomize
