Facebook really needs to add a bikini picture profile tab for girls, it would really save me countless amounts of time!
Freshman orientation day on campus. Dear diary, JACKPOT.
angela screamed across the room SHES A CHAMP when i told the pharmacist plan b doesnt make me throw up
Just saw an old man buy two cases of keystone light, a case of milwaukee's best and a case of icehouse. Degenerate alcoholic of senior citizen of the year?
I'm so glad i pay social security
just got double teamed by two guys I will be on beach patrol with this summer. six months until the season starts and I'm already 'that girl.'
just found glitter in my belly button...seriously when will this nightmare end
Just painted my nails at the bar... I may be getting too comfortable here.
Did I tell you I had a charge show up for $36 on a credit card I haven't used in 6 months from Wild Wings? It was that night we slept across the street from the bar.
explaining to a nurse how i all most cut my finger off playing beer pong, she def just hand me a AA booklet.
I keep having to have that awkward "I don't want to have sex with you" convo. I thought wearing sweatpants was suppose to prevent this situation..
How was the party last night?
I'm dangerously close to shitting myself.
I wouldn't even cut tickets or put ppl in jail I'd just hand out punches to the mouth and Liam Neeson throat chops
If you don't wanna wax my ass just say so.
When my beach tent arrives , I strongly suggest quitting our jobs and becoming homeless beach drunks
I have 2 phone numbers written on my vagina. I told you I shouldnt be left to my own devices after tequila shots.
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