someone took a shit in my car last night and left $5 on the seat...
OH MY GOD! I just remembered how we ended our bar time last night: picking up and drinking random drinks that ppl had left. wtf is wrong with us?! that's so ghetto!
No. You're kidding.
I am not. I wish I were. I speak the truth.
I used a bag of wine as a pillow last night.
you may be an alcoholic when your drug dealer calls to yell at you for drinking too
i've decided to use this saturday afternoon to take care of my pube situation
When she gives birth, I'm so playing 'Eye of the Tiger'
I just want you to know if you wake up tomorrow morning and wreak of mustard, I was not involved.
All these girls I talk to are like I've never had a hangover and I'm like you don't drink right here let me show you
I'm drinking nothing but vodka and coffee for the next 48 hours. For science.
I just busted my piggy bank to afford McDonald's. This is my personal cry for help.
I want falafel more than sex right now. That's really saying something for me...
Something I can get at drive through, boobs out, don't want to get out of the car
My life. Always pantsless and occasionally topless.
I think I achieved my goal of being high for 24 hours in the same week I promised myself I wouldn't smoke anymore
Omg, new summer goal: sex in a bouncy castle.
Randomize
