My little brother has some high school girls in my pool, it's like a jailbait buffet in my backyard
They say you shouldnt they say its no good for the environment in your vagina
I just had human shit waiting for me at the top of the escalator at Bowery. This is truly the Lord's day.
May the Lord look upon you in favor and give you pees.
you came home covered in oatmeal wearing a tutu holding a stolen wrotting pumpkin and "its a girl" balloons tied around your neck.you were whispering the lyrics to aaron carters 'aarons party'. i think the real question was what DIDNT you drink last night
i'm at the st pattys day thing. the bar is packed. they just put on celine dion its all coming back to me now. i'm screaming the words.
it's 1 pm.
With any luck I will spend the duration of this flight with my tray table up my seatbelt securely fastened and my face in his lap
i wish i had a super power and that that super power was shooting out mdma from my fingertips or something
It's raining beautiful colors and I don't know what the fuck is going on
YOUR DICK HAS BEEN IN ME I DO NOT WANT TO BE SET UP TO MEET YOUR FRIENDS
How are you getting in?
I know some influential drag queens
Bored of what? I stayed up all night researching sex toys because I'm excited to do things with you that I haven't done in 29 years of having a body.
It's like those toothpaste commercials where 4 out of 5 dentists would recommend your vagina
So, I never imagined myself puking on the side of the road at 10:30 this morning to Lynyrd Skynyrd but here I am.
I woke up and my pants were in the kitchen but my shoes were next to my bed. Do the math...
A Valium induced mom decided to walk into my bedroom this morning without knocking. Guess what I was doing? FML
Randomize
