I got my nipple pierced! I love it so much!
Well, there goes breastfeeding.
I cant wait for your democrat phase to be over.
Of course my walk of shame coincided with the alumni marathon on campus. But, I did get a thumbs up from the woman handing out water.
I just used dish soap as body wash. I smell like a dishwasher exploded. isn't the end of the semester fun?
Well, find something you can use as a snorkel and be aware of your surroundings.
When you passed out on the kitchen counter she brushed and flossed your teeth, then carried/dragged you to bed. Why aren't you married?
Hey I came back and we made joints with the breathalyzers the cops left last night.
I'm watching sex and the city with my wine and Wendy's. I'm not sure if this is single woman empowerment or not.
He bought you footie pajamas. Shit's pretty serious.
Apparently he got pepper spray on his dick. So he's a literal fire crotch.
I just moved my 11am hair appointment to 8am so I could blackout at noon. Who am I?
I FUCKED WHEELCHAIR DUDE
HE'S INTO WEIRD SHIT
GOOD KIND OF WEIRD SHIT
Tell him that his phone is taped to the dog's stomach. Stop trying to call it because it makes him scared.
my boobs just made me lose a game of beer pong. the balls hit them, bounced off and into the cup. twice. ive never been so disappointed in them.
Does it still count as a threesome if one girl left halfway through cause we were having too much sex?
Fuck you for even being able to ask that question
Randomize
