is it wrong that I want a "Where The Wild Things Are" tshirt that points to my junk?
In Canada she would be a 10 but here in America she's only a 7
threw up in my backpack again. Asian guy I cheat from wasn't pleased.
im pretty sure every drug dealer is going to be able to retire the day after alice in wonderland comes out
This lady in my dui class just asked what patron was. I feel like she doesn't belong here
There are 9 condoms on my bed either i met the greatest girl ever last night or something horrible has happened.
Woke up next to a half eaten California burrito. It was tucked in.
that girl from work that wants to bone me just said 'the last time i went this long without sex was in jail'. sup, red flag
you pushed her into a kiddie pool and knocked out her front teeth... and you still managed to get laid. what. the. fuck.
Just ate a whole pizza by myself. Wearing my indian headdress again. its really cool with the french braids. I look like fucking pocahontas or some shit.
Still butthurt there's a framed picture of me passed out on the toilet in my grandparents' living room
The two of us decided to throw a spur-of-the-moment parade and the next thing I know we're 4 miles down the road being followed by 65 drunk strangers
My synapses wont fire in a pattern that will process those facts
The fact I have to evaluate my choice between tequila and fruity pebbles is a clear image of my life right now
We were in a bathroom while 4 dudes compared dick piercings.
Buffalowww
Randomize
