Last night was a blur. All I remember is jizzing in the squeegee bucket at a gas station.
The look on the soccer mom's face was PRICELESS.
i need a wealthy benefactor or a cocktail job. or to start stripping. or kill myself. whatever.
New pre-game routine....wal-mart bathrooms...quality beers for free...hallelujah
You were so trashed that when you dropped your fruit rollup on the floor, you just sat next to it and cried.
this is never going to happen for me, I think he thinks I'm crazy
well you did scream "PLEASE! I'LL S YOUR D IN FRONT OF EVERYONE"
I wish there was a lawn mower version of Roomba so I could just drink and cheer it on from the stoop.
as soon as I walked into work this morning, my boss called me out on my hangover, patted me on the back and said I'm getting time an a half for even showing up. Did I really look that bad this morning?
All I heard was "You have collect call from Lafayette Parish Jail for Dude it was awesome! I'll tell you about it later!"
We should probably just have a threeway and get everyone on the same page.
it wasnt a pity fuck per say. i wasnt attracted to her, but still thought 'that looks like a fun ride'
Everyone keeps telling me I look so healthy and happy today: the power of the penis people!!
Did I send you a drunk selfie with a pine tree last night?
If it makes you feel any better they literally are drinking alcohol out of a toilet. They are serving drinks out of a nasty ass toilet...!
Sext me about skeletons
Oh. Why can't it be something easy, like a punch card for blowjobs?
Randomize
