I figured girls wouldn't be down to sleep w/ a guy who plugged a pregnant chick
I'm so drunk that I ordered a root beer at the bar. Whoops?
i don't want a singing card. it disturbs my hangover. give me a pack of cigs taped to a bottle of wine and fuck me without a condom. happy vday baby.
Help. All alone. Room is. Changing colors. Dance party 2010, but without dancing.
Im going in through the window and borrowing her dog. Dont worry ive done this before. we have an agreement.
well... I just junk punched a carnie. Doesnt matter how, it still counts for my bucket list.
She asked for her virginity back. I don't know what to say
She just told me she thinks she bruised her labia in class
What has my life come to that I have to spank someone in morse code?
He's being awfully beer snobby for a guy who ordered salad
I came home with 30lbs of BBQ last night. I can't pick up women in a bar but I sure can pick up leftovers from a corporate party.
Ok well my life just seems more exciting by default because I'm dating my married boss and sexting with my ex
I realize that my conversation topics seem to only be about bees and my cross dressing fiance. Thank you for being my friend.
you yelled, puked and cried then passed out in the fetal position in your underwear
He’s got a big dick and a big ego. This could be fun
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