That shit is worth it...they got medicine for that now a days
He lit his shirt on fire at the bar by putting a lit cigarette in the pocket to "save for later."
Just got walked in on during safety inspections
Think you passed?
when the police officer said he was gonna take a picture of the car accident, you asked if you should pose on the hood
i remember you telling me to take a shower, brush my teeth, go get back in bed w her, and "just do what i was born to do." and as soon as i stopped yacking i did just that. you saved my birthday.
I'm serious. My alarm label is "BAR TABS" as motivation for me to wake up in the morning and go to work.
And now I'm drinking leftover wine in the grad lounge because fuck my life
feelin groggy baby? need a coffee? vitamins? a nice good fuck on the piano?
Ask me who hasn't showered since Sunday and just got cruised at the gas station on his way to work. I'm a terrible gay.
GET ME OUT OF HERE THE DOCTOR KNOWS HE IS JUDGING ME I DEMAND A PRISON BREAK
I am going to MURDER whoever gave him my phone number but it was probably drunk me so I'm conflicted.
last night we were hooking up when all the sudden he just murmured "mm blonde". i don't know what to think about this situation.
That's how all the girlfriends are. Oh he's a boy, no worries, then BAM. I blow their boyfriend.
I thought you couldn't go near Germans after that restraining order
After 25 beers and 3 shots my best friend thought it would be an amazing idea to get his dick pierced. We are on our way.
Randomize
