i took some ambien and I TRIPPED out...i went into my mom's room to say goodnight and i don't remember anything...she said that i got really pissed at her because we were living in the Keebler elf tree and she was visiting other trees, then i started laughing hysterically and she goes "whats so funny?" and i go "there are 7 people sitting on my knees" and she goes "doesn't that hurt?" and i said "no we're sitting in a bowl" and then i capped it off and said "join the crazy train bro" and passed out.
It's noon and i am somehow drinking by myself in a jazz tent in broad daylight.
These guys are walking up and down the hallway yelling, "Yo, is this the floor with the unisex bathroom?"
Youre on making sure I dont black out around fat chicks duty
I woke up this morning peeing out bubbles . I smell like baby wash . What the hell happened .
drunk waterpark is besst waterpark.
He made me hold his dick and say "I solemnly swear that I'm up to no good"
I'd say it's a shame and a disservice to the world that we can't stay drunken shitshows to infinity
i'll fuck you during the next apocalypse. promise
All I know is that at 4 am I was walking down the street in my bra and his shorts and Im pretty sure I passed my grandma on her morning walk.
How will you ever teach your dogs to pee outside when the biggest puddle on your bedroom carpet is from you?
You gave your one night stand my number. I told him you left for your sex change an hour ago.
I almost don't wanna have sex with her because I'm afraid she'll steal my hat
Alcohol and IMDB don't always mix with 100% accuracy
Get over your kidney infection all ready. You have been sober for too long.
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