I hate the Packers so much, I wouldn't cheer for them if they were playing al Qaeda.
Only you could manage to look like a complete slut while wearing a turtle neck.
She opened a beer bottle with her armpit and then gave me a cigarette from the waistband of her underwear. I dont know if I want to be her or marry her.
8:30 every morning in the third floor bathroom we fuck in the handicap stall. You have your morning workout and I have mine.
The number of times I have seen your cock and the number of times I have wanted to see your cock are different!
He got a new tattoo in prison. It's actually a good tattoo, making it that much harder for me to hold out until he's off house arrest.
She's not a foreskin expert like you
well a fat roach just fell out of my hair. so there's that
Just woke up and spent the first hour of consciousness throwing up with the Rocky theme song on repeat.
My plan for the weekend: 1) Get shit faced in Vegas. 2) Not die
The main motivators in my life are my sex drive and spite
11:30 you texted me saying he was on his way. 11:37 you said, "Oh my God that was terrible."
Ok so I'm not gonna ignore the fact that you had sex on a frat basement floor and spent the last 4 years wondering how you got HPV
You should have just fucked me in the bathroom when you had a chance!
My professor congratulated me on turning my assignment in early. I didn't have the heart to tell him I only passed it in early cause my sex plans got canceled for the night.
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