i woke up with socks on this morning
so?
i didnt wear socks last night
The only reason I'm still around is so I can grow a huge Gandalf beard when my hair turns gray
Im forcing mysellf to pee so i can fit more margaritas in me...
I told the girl who was peeing in the garbage can she must have had a lot of upper body strength.
This is going to be another afternoon spent getting drunk in the shower, isn't it?
We could supplement the Tour with Edward Andre-hands. Because 40s are for the 99%.
I don't know which part of you thought this was funny but it's fucked up to wake up in that much fluff and now we don't have a couch. Fuck you.
so i guess now we know you can get away with peeing mere feet from the Capitol if you shout IM PREGNANT at the guards
I went back to the party but by then they were all sitting on the floor in the dark listening to we are the champions on full blast.
You grabbed your house keys, threw them at the door and asked, "did it open?"
That was just an endearing nickname I called you before. I'm not gonna call you a filthy slut now that you are one, I don't want to hurt your feelings.
I don't really care where everyone ended up, but is everyone alive and not in jail?
Not in jail
Alive?
it's not rock bottom until you fall down an escalator on the way home from a hookup and have to have you dad come pick your drunkass up at 3am. Adulthood.
it was the kind of sex that I don't even know how my hair extentions are still in
That chick keeps sending eggplant emojis
Welcome to dating in the digital age. Better catch up now that you’re divorced
and eggplant is code for penis. It means she’s DTF. Go get her tiger!!!
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