you're bored at work aren't you?
I'm toying with the idea of beating off under my desk
she was stuffing dove chocolates in my mouth while giving me a blow job. GOD I LOVE VALENTINES DAY
the only way I will be happy is if my gallon spiderman bucket is full of either popcorn, nutella and peanut butter, or fried rice. CHOOSE WISELY.
Off topic, but is it sad that Matthew and I are calculating how much sex we need to have in order to work off a taco bell burrito?
He was having a "party in the princess castle." At what point do I blindfold him and take him to AA?
I was only out of town for 1 week. His cell records show he texted 63 ex-gfs and hookups while I was gone. And 10 condoms are missing.
I blacked in at 6:30am on the last stop on the train with a random fedora on? And I'm pretty sure I rode in a limo last night while eating pizza
The fire department told the police that I was inside the burning building trying to pee in the rest of the electrical Outlets. Booyaka.
Today is a spill-drugs-all-over-myself kind of day.
So my booty call knows your bf. Apparently they were in jail together
I'm graduating college in 4 days. I already miss the bad decisions
We had sex with a sexual harassment video playing in the background before his gf got there. I've hit a new low
I realize that my conversation topics seem to only be about bees and my cross dressing fiance. Thank you for being my friend.
He said I have the “Denzel Washington” of vaginas.
you were shouting "me peeing on him is the closest he'll EVER get to my vagina!"
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