Once again you get dinner and all I get is semen on my leg
He chugged from a bottle of wine and then we had pretend sex
How do you have pretend sex?
It was bad...so it was pretend
i just know my balls have never hurt this bad before
she keeps a pillow, blanket, and a pack of saltines under the bathroom sink, for "rough nights".
Soo I got blood taken today and when the doctor came back with the results she said "you aren't sick but the tests show that you are currently drunk..."
You said "It's ok guys, I know I'm not really a turtle" and then tried walking on the lake.
like a dude with a badge in a golf cart is gunna do shit. Unless he has a tazer. Then it's fair game.
Well two things you gotta know if you're gonna live here. your alcohol tolerance is gonna need to go up, and people do blow. Get used to it. Nobody is gonna pressure you into it. That shits expensive
It was like getting a handjob from a frost giant
I just realized that the first thing he ever bought me was Plan B.
You lit a fire in my vagina no man can extinguish.
You're the only person I know that could get laid while visiting their grandpa in florida
THERE IS A DOG IN THE CLUB. I repeat a dog in the club. I might have laid down and petted it..I have no shame.
Lost and found: pink cotton underwear next to my bed and soaking wet Reebok socks or boxers in a plastic bag...in my fridge🤔
i just wanted have a romantic star gaze moment with him. untill he let out a massive fart.
Randomize
