Mr ***** is in bed with his super hot wife giving her 18 inches of pleasure
i cant decide if i should go fuck j*** or keep watching real genius
So we made editble underwear with fruit roll ups and fruit by the foot
my mind is a poorly written porno when i'm drunk.
I found a wheel chair. there is now a high chance im going to be fired from this job
After giving a back rub to someone in the bathroom of the theater, he ripped an "employees must wash hands" sign off the wall to prove that he could and proceeded to hang it up in his house.
If you ever wanna get tagged teamed, army guys are pretty open to it. Write that down for future reference.
Apparently getting a blow job in the mens room from the bar owners daughter will get you kicked out.
THANK YOU for not letting me make out with that girl omfg I was one step away from a foursome in the handicapped stall
The resort was totally empty, just June and I. Which of course lead to EXCESSIVE day drinking and outdoor fucking. FYI Dominicans LOVE to watch.
Yeah then you killed that bottle of Bacardi in under 20 minutes. So much for being an organ donor.
Eh. Fuck him. He's missing out. I'm legit naked and drinking straight from the bottle of wine.
My condom drawer is now filled with W-2s and tax return documents. Is this adulting?
I'd just like to take a moment now to apologize sincerely for getting drunk and making an as of myself at your Christmas party next week. I'm especially sorry for sleeping with your baby sister.
Can we skype so I'm not drinking alone?
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