Come back if u want to. I'll do some dirty shit to u mamacita.
I should have bought two bottles, she left before I could feel her tits...
like i told you yesterday: virgins, blood, my name. do it.
the reason why you were crawling on your hands and knees from room to room last night was because you thought the ceiling fans were chasing you...
that makes sense.
Come on... In this relationship-economy, you gotta have "awesome blowjobs" on your resume.
I sent the random girl I had sex with last night a 'happy mothers day' text as a reminder to get the morning after pill.
He told me about his girlfriends trust issues during our post sex spooning
so... the fat chick just walked over, shook my hand, then introduced herself as "versatile". shoot me now.
my favorite homeless guy just told me I drive like Batman, achievement unlocked
You have a roommate and cry when you see my dick
He also gave me two gold stars for sex. On my nipples.
Everyone is out there getting real jobs and I just realized I've been "washing" my clothes with fabric softener for two months.
So i woke up this morning to find my boss passed out on my living room floor.. Awkward? Haha
I enjoy the company of your penis
He gave me a back massage while we were fucking.
Did you get that?
WHILE WE WERE FUCKING.
Randomize
