the cure to his relationship is in or around my vagina.
i want to bang the Snorg tees girl.. shes always smiling ;)
Yeah but his hole really smells sometimes
ah. the first shower back home is like a baptism from the sins of the past year
He had a beer bottle in each of his back pockets and was on rollerblades. All I remember is following him for about 10 minutes
We were all definitely blackout with drunk goggles on, even though you and Amanda were the only ones dressed up as it.
I think the fact that I shit my pants, threw away my underwear in a frat bathroom, lost my socks down a drain in the front yard and still got laid... deserves some sort of a victory drink for myself or a blowjob for him since he was such a good sport.
I'm like an air traffic controller of women. It's a very similar job. Well spaced and gentle landings are good. When they meet, it's bad. Explosions bad. Dying screaming burning children bad.
Regardless of your intentions, deep throating a Twinkie is NOT sexy. You owe that poor cashier an apology the next time you pump gas.
And the next morning he asked me why I had clothes on so I said so that he could take them off again.
I hate ovaries. They're horrible little sacs of satanic enmity.
That's the most poetic description of female anatomy I've ever heard.
Only you could go on vacation to visit family and hook up with a pro NFL player from Tinder
if i get arrested im counting on you to get a picture of it
It was a fun night. I made out with the door guy at the gay bar but he didn't speak english
There was no door guy at the bar
Dog. I woke up between my ex boyfriend witch i'm currently fucking and his bestfriend spooning me in MY bestfriends empty powerless house still really fucked up. No one knows what happend.
Randomize
