Hello Stephanie, you need to come pick me up at Par Blvrd correctional facility and bring $750-$1000 for bail. I just got a DUI. Thank you.
What!?!?! How are you txting?!
Because this is Officer Reynolds, and I just arrested your boyfriend.
dude, that chick is coming to see me and stay for 2 nights. I'm hitting the 3rd in the trifecta of friends.
You're one hell of a depraved bastard dude, I'm borderline speechless. You officially win.
They all have matching tattoos so they're all official bffs. I love my life.
This fat girl in front of me just got on the bus to go 2 blocks. Do you think she ever wonders why shes fat?
I just realized that i have never seen about 30 percent of my friends sober before
woke up to an overdrawn credit card. did you order the dawsons creek boxset last night?
i hope so.
So, i took all the condoms from his nightstand, not in the crazy ex way, but in the I paid for them way.
I just saw the list where the U.S. doesn't even rank in the top 10 in drinking countries. I know its Tuesday but....its for America
Playing a game in life called "how far can I make a man travel for a booty call"
Have you ever noticed that the cities in car commercials look really futuristic?
...did you eat that brownie?
Medically YOU CAN'T BE AN ALCOHOLIC TILL 25!!!!! WE GET 3 BONUS YEARS!!!!
Meh. People are people bro. All of us are hairless psychotic apes. Happy 420.
And after we were done he said "Let's play a game! Who can find their clothes first"
The man was doing everything in his power to get away from his wife, including go into the gay club.
QUICK FAX ME THE BALL
Not how faxing works at all btw
The heart wants what the heart wants, and once again it’s a guy with brown hair, wears a chain, and has a nicotine addiction.
Randomize
