Don't cheat on me with the blonde bimbo religi freak
I wouldn't touch her with a ten foot pole
She's blonde
I want to have your abortion
he was so excited that he found the elusive clitoris. i was like look christopher colombus, just because you found it doesnt mean you knew what to do with it
doing lines of blow through a tampon applicator in the study lounge at 7am so i can finish an italian composition that was due a week and a half ago...such a good student.
The bride says you won't want any of the single ladies...
Let's let the open bar be the judge of that.
Just made a list of all the guys I've hooked up with. "Roofie tattoo eyelids", "xanex night guy", "rainy concert", "cory blanket" and "naked hottub guy" made it.
Like there's an 87% chance I'll end up on the bedroom floor demanding sex while freestyling in your face. I'm going to buy rum.
Come over we're celebrating the one month anniversary of her first 4/20
well we called the liquor store to tell them to stay open five more minutes so we could make it and they recognized our voices. I've never been more proud.
I declared today 'Have a Bloody Mary Naked Day'. Why? Because I'm hungover, thirsty & don't want to bother putting on clothes.
The best part about daylight savings time this weekend is we get an extra hour to be fucked up.
I know it's 10:30am but Finding Dory starts in an hour, and I have four points of molly. You down?
Ugh... The hoe gods giveth and the hoe gods taketh away.
That's because I've spent the past 21 years convincing my parents the only emotions I have are sarcasm and bitterness.
I have had flashes of 69ing, a strawberry flavored condom and begging him to sleep naked.
Randomize
