the ice cream truck is coming omgomg
dude, it's 2 am.
but its COMING
I've replaced the bottom of the food pyramid with alcohol.
you dont publicly announce someones alcholism over facebook. you dont out someone like that.
She is just riding on my slutty coat tails.
I don't know what's worse: going to the liquor store at 9am or knowing that its open at 9am
She just told me she thinks she bruised her labia in class
Ok so I didn't mean for his first impression of me to be lying face down on his roommates bedrooms floor throwing up my jäger but it happened. Atleast my ass looked good in those jeans. Think I still have a shot?
After my lunch today, I've got $10 till Sunday night. I am losing at life.
I want the address of the individual responsible for strawbeeritas. I want to send them gift basket.
I was desperate and wasn't about to let my cereal get soggy so I ate it on the toilet. Don't let me repeat last night.
If there was a category for "most likely to end up a serial killer" in your high school yearbook then I'm sure you would have won it
Thinking about licking your asshole. And hugs and stuff too I guess.
RAAAAAAAAWWWWRRRRRR
THATS ME HOWLING MY ENJOYMENT OF THE THINGS WE CAN DO WHILE GETTING DRUNK
69'd by candlelight when the power went out.
Thanks for wearing matching bob ross shirts to the bar with me and referring to every guy as a happy little accident
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