I think you came in my ear last night and I had to pick it out infront of my kids in class today
I'm not 100% on this, but I'm pretty sure I just accidently talked my way into a threesome.
Why is your vibrator in the fridge?
I'm testing sex in Alaska before I go there.
We found her hiding in the bath tub.. And when i opened the curtain she replied "thank you" and walked out like nothing happened.
I'm also glad were at the point in our friendship where my vagina talking to you isn't weird
I would call you but I don't feel like these hands belong to me.
We attempted to microwave fifteen corndogs in the microwave and may have ruined it. Also there were fake mustaches on all of his appliances...he said he doesn't like drunk me.
i took a picture of my dick. with a stick figure drawn on it. and a paper hat taped to the tip. and i call i the mayor of Dickville
Do you remember using the vicegrip to demonstrate how wide your penis is?
I'll be there in a few.
I'M COUNTING TO FEW.
While leaving the bar with another guy I told the bouncer I was sad his friend had a fiancee
You were drinking Everclear weren't you?
I solemnly swear I will not get your boyfriend puke in public drunk again
I just watched some kid bang his girlfriend and I was like whatever I'll just sit here and do all your fucking drugs that's fine
Heading there now. Already have a boner.
Walked off the dance floor to find Gabe hitting on a dad bod at the bar. It was my Dad. Awkward is an understatement.
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