It was some time between the gurgles of her blowing me to us throwing up in the same bucket afterwards that I realized we would be doing this a lot.
Yeah but the gay hasidics turned out to actually just be real gay hasidics
Woke up laying in the kitchen floor with a cup in one hand and the beer tap in the other. Guess I just needed that one last beer.
He counted every piece of macaroni in the box and then faceplanted into the bowl
We didn't have sex because he locked himself in the bathroom and passed out while he was taking a shit. I cuddled with his cat.
I legitimately thought I was gonna die getting finger banged to ja rule in the back of your car last night.
You know it's a good weekend when you wake up on Sunday questioning your sexuality.
Please, by all means, tell me what can't be helped by two stiff drinks & a blowjob?
wow thanks for pushing me towards an older man
you gotta start somewhere if you're going to be a trophy wife
I only blacked out one night of three if that isn't fucking personal growth idk what is
Why can't I come over and snuggle you and make you lick my boots
I got blackout last night and applied to be a banker
Ya i'm marrying the man who can hear/smell this level of flatulence and stick around
IDK if she's gay or not, but there is something about the way she looks at me that says "do dirty dirty things to me." I have no choice but to oblige.
I woke up wearing mittens dude
I woke up in my bathtub with the potted plant from downstairs.
checkmate.
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