she was sure she was an eel. She spent 40 minutes sliterhing on the floor to get to her room
I'm buying a pregnancy test with my lunch money. Classy.
Your brother just informed me that half a mouthful is a unit of measurement. I love talking to members of your family.
Stop blaming waffle house for all your problems
I feel like I could be a daytime drinking legend, like they could put that shit on my tombstone and right now your preventing me from reaching my full potential
I'm telling you the guy came in bought a box of condoms and all three of the chicks that came in behind him followed him to his car. I want his life
this is not okay. even my mom refers to me as a sorostitute.
You're a college freshman. Its your job to be pathetic. And drunk. But mostly pathetic
It's not even like I care. He was cute 30lbs ago and before he fucked that Michael Jackson look alike.
You chest bumped everyone we walked by on the way home... Even girls
Definitely had a dick in my ass while watching the Seahawks win. Best NFC Championship game ever.
I feel like him using the excuse "I'm not a fan of lying" to stop me from sleeping around is hypocritical since he's cheating on his wife with me.
I'm intrigued by how his mouth tasted the same as his dick.
can you bring the lube to algebra tomorrow
So... my daughter's new girlfriend Is the daughter of the girl I dated on and off in college Who ran away because she got pregnant at my house party. My Legitimate daughter Is probably fucking my Illegitimate daughter...
Randomize
