Oh man dude like 1000 to 1500 milligrams. Its gonna burn like bad though.
we got a new version of the plan b at the pharmacy now. its called next choice. you would think they would come up with better names for these things.
i've never heard her scream louder than when the koreans scored. what am i lacking in bed?
I woke up with my bra stapled to the ceiling, her dad was in the hallway winking at me. I was the less drunk of the bunch.
I could end up kidnapped. Or worse, the night will be really awkward.
Easy Mac is falling out of my sweatshirt as I'm walking down the street.
your mom just called me and asked me why i'm not in jail with you right now.
my drunken justification for peeing in her closet was that her shoes were ugly
We are not in a rock band. We can't continue living like this.
I can feel your movements against the shared wall we are leaning up against. It makes me feel as though we are one. Queue Pocahontas song...
Dude, I'm telling you, date younger. He brought pizza, made me squirt twice, and then left to immediately go to brunch with his mom.
His pet bird was perched ON HIS DICK.
I’M PUT OFF FROM FOOD RN BC EARLIER I GOT SOME WATER AND I WAS 4 SIPS IN WHEN I NOticed A FUCKING BURGER KING F R Y IN MY D R I N K
I came home and drank a bottle of wine in the bathtub. I have AMAZING coping skills!!
this is the 3rd time this week I've gone to the liquor store to stock up for the next 2 weeks
Randomize
