You want looks pregnant, is pregnant, or the one with a kid.
While I'm in the bathroom taking a piss you think of a way to get us the hell out of here.
im having a threesome with these popsicles
two words...techno handjob
it's official, i know exactly what cross streets we're at by the bumps when i give him road head
Well now that I've given all the athletes mono there goes our chance of winning any conference championship
Any night you end up on the couch next to the trash can with a bag of white wine on your head is a rough night.
I managed to fit my wallet, my keys, my phone, Tammy's necklace, and $38.50 all in my bra. and $1.50 is in quarters. go me.
I wore a leash I'll tell you about it later I had a fantastic time
obviously my window is still shattered. they're pressure washing my condo today. i think i need a bloody mary.
He told me he wanted to sleep but I touched his penis and listened to his heart beat start racing. I knew sleeping was bullshit.
Use your nursing skills for good, not evil.
Best feedback on my performance so far: "There are things that can't be unseen."
I met her parents last night. Her dad smelled like weed and kept yelling "I HAVE ALLERGIES AHHH MY EYES ARE BURNING!" During dinner It had to be good weed he didn't even know he was yelling.
There's a bull to ride and dancing on the bar is encouraged. This is my heaven. And this is why god made leopard tube tops.
Vodka for breakfast. With a side of Frankenberries. Don't judge me.
He's stripped out of his boxers and is dancing and slapping his dick with string cheese...I don't know whether to call for help or take a video.
Randomize
