He rubs his penis on back when he think I'm sleeping
The strippers from this weekend suck at words with friends
You should never talk to him again. Unless its you knocking on the door and punching his dick.
He tried to give me a shoulder massage while i peed in the neighbors bushes to "make it more relaxing."... I let him... That drunk
Some idiot from high school is in the hospital for bonging three beers up his ass
He should have died. Natural selection.
I took her to the bar and boom. All of my past slump busters were there. Shes cool enough to know what that means and said she was afraid they'd eat her so we left.
I'm still me, I just happen to have things in my porn library that you may not have expected
Only you would come out as bi like that
Just cried because I'm out of oreos. This post-molly depression can go fuck itself.
I was just thrown into the pool and now I'm surrounded by men... You would think this is the dream but I'm just confused
I can't wait to get home and drunk cuddle your dog
All my friends are getting into relationships and going through breakups and I'm having Plan Bs and crunch wraps for dinner.
Woke up with a lip tattoo that says "fake news" in case you're wondering about my wellbeing
My boss walked into my office and gave me a toothbrush and tips for dealing with sex hair. She knows what’s up
Fuck your fuckin pumpkin spice. You and your subtle differences frighten and disgust me.
hey sweets how's ur crotch today?
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