Why do I always have sex on the first date when I know it demotes me to booty call girl?
There's an Captain Planet marathon because of Earth Day. I can't NOT turn this into a drinking game.
I bruise way too easily for the kind of rough sex I want...
Just got physical proof that at 6 am i was running around with raw potatoes threatening to mash them on his floor. Hello, Mobile uploads
Yeah but then he looked at me bleeding on the floor, said oh i guess you need to go to the hospital now, and left
We bonded over blowjobs and stories of our childhoods. It was beautiful.
Jake bring pizza.
JAKE BRING PIZZA.
I've made a list of places I want to have sex this summer. #1: Reptile House at the zoo.
Dude, I just hit your nipple with a bottle of lube while you were wearing a shirt, 10 feet away without my glasses and I only have "not bad" aim?
Discovery: there is a folder in my pictures labeled "Your Name and cats"
These flip flops mean I'm casual, but I'm here to fuck.
I need more than 2 fuckable people this is an outrage
I can say with absolute certainty the only time we ever had a civil conversation was when we agreed we both liked pizza.
He waved at a guy who drove by while we were having sex in the back of a rental car in a hospital parking garage prior to visiting family. Almost made me feel guilty but I liked it too much.
So you realized he wasn't actually cheating on you and now you're trying to unfuck things. Or in this case unfuck Tom.
Randomize
