Before I dignify that with an answer, let me get this straight. You're asking me if I wiped my ass on the towels?
I am dressing up to go buy weed. I need to get out more.
I was going through my paperwork and I found the lifetime warranty card for my 14" dildo. I saved it. You know, just in case.
im looking at burger kings website. there isnt one anywhere close to where we were last night. i think it was sent from heaven
I had very briefly met him a few years ago. My friend was tired of hearing us both complain about being horny. She figured she would fuck two birds with one stone.
Yea no bueno and I only brought enough weed to last one night. And it was no Hanukah nug, it didn't last 8 days.
i am willing to donate my body to this science experiment when it means free blowjobs
I got so drunk at the hockey game I bought everyone behind me in concession line a funnel cake.
They won't let me buy alcohol in the airport until 9am. Super judgemental
I'll like his pictures on Instagram every once and a while so that when he sees my name he is reminded of the best blow job he's ever gotten.
Do not try to steal a picnic table from a park, all you will end up with are sore arms and broken dreams.
Going on a first date tonight...pros: my boobs look amazing. Cons: my abortion isn't until next week.
Nothing says "Jesus has forgiven your sins" like finding out you're not pregnant on Easter.
Don't get into any trouble on your trip
The only foreseeable trouble would be pregnancy, but I gotta be sterile otherwise I'm beating some pretty fucking incredible odds
The longer the dick, the closer to Jesus when you’re on top.
Randomize
