He's totally hot and awesome. And he's a Democrat
Good, so he won't mind when you kill the baby.
i just heard my neighbor say from outside my window "i don't give a shit what he does, what the hell am i gonna do with my son's penis?"
And whoever invented the condom should be put to death.
My gym is having a pizza and beer party. God im starting to love this place.
she's telling me all about the love triangles of her sims. you tell me how it's going.
I hope you don't have to start the day explaining to me how you failed to turn "Can I practice my belly dancing in your apartment" into all night sex.
tried to chug a glass full of ice cubes. went better then expected.
She bent over while grinding on me on the dance floor and her thong straps were hanging out, I thought it was a good idea to grab the straps with both hands and pretend to be riding in Santa's sleigh...not my brightest moment.
I'm on the bus, watching a girl shush her balloons.
Just wanted to let you know it's 3am and, at this point, I believe your sister has more of my semen in her than I do. So suck on that, fuckface.
we didnt plan anything. just randomly met up in the park, both reached into our pockets and each lit up a joint without exchanging words. we're telepathic potheads.
I just put poptarts in the toaster with the wrapper on, that's how hungover I am.
I've made a new rule for socializing in the winter: if it doesn't involve me orgasming or getting drunk I can't make it
So if you wanna come get your pants you can. But you have to come in your boxers. Rules are rules!
I get sad thinking about all the sex I’m missing out on because of the virus
I instituted “quarantine and chill” months ago. It’s not like penises go soft just because they’re working at home.
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