Fell into a man hole last night. I've been bleeding since 11pm. Got kicked out of the bar for being bloody.
Half my make-up was stuck to his thigh where I'd fallen asleep after the blowjob.
Best part of failing a semester of college: not having to buy books next semester. I can drink to that
can you blow me for old times sake
only for old times sake
Just whatever you do please don't lick his face again.
I'm going on a valentine's date with the random guy i hooked up with in the bar bathroom this weekend...i feel like julia roberts
All I know is I was dancing to Shakira in his alley and I think rubbing my junk on his car door.
I guess? According to Jeff his mom is wondering when the grand babies will arrive. So I don't think they like ME so much as my supposed functioning uterus
I think I freaked him out last night. We got back to my place and I made chicken nuggets, chicken Alfredo, and half of one of those huge oreida hashbrown bags. And then ate all of it
You don't know how much I love you. You could play Careless Whisper while we have sex and I'd still love you
If she "comes out" to me I guess I'll high five her. That's pretty much my response to everything these days.
we just drove past a kid stuck in a tree what a wonderful time to be alive
I never realized how weird our shower smells until I cracked a shower beer and had a familiar aroma to compare it to.
I don't like pregnant me. I eat very large burritos, I don't like having sex and I can't even finish a Blue Moon.
the bastard is cheating on me with some sleazy barista from Starbucks
That’s his wife they’re back together
You say potato, I say sleazy barista
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