So my shaver died while I was trimming...ya know. And now it is half way done. I don't think there's currently any aesthetic in keeping it this way...
dunno bout you, but i grow tired of beef curtains
she's just sitting in a corner ripping all of the filters off her menthols
I told her for every minute she spent down there, I would donate a dollar to the Haiti relief fund... totally worked
We lit firecrackers from NYE in the fireplace and he was so passed out that he slept through it.
I have a cut on my head from a tambourine.
He will. He has no choice. What's he gonna do? Find a better fuck buddy? We both know that's not possible. I'm the ideal friend with benefit. Minus snoring and uneven tits.
I got really high and googled the history of Amish people for like an hour.
It's like bringing a chick home from the bar the night before and waking up to thinking you are about to go another round... Just to wake up and find she's already left...
I farted in his bed and then in my drunken stupor grabbed hair defanging spray to cover up the stench.
So how do you explain to your boss that Siri called him mid sex?
The cup holder in my recliner holds a whole bottle of wine. That's definitely a sign.
Sorry I yelled at you and called you Amish and puked on your eggs
Did I fall last night?
I wouldn't call it falling as much as you tried to lay on the sidewalk and proceeded to hit it face first.
Very interesting. Let's just say I got home last night and threw up, found a joint in my bra, and woke up naked in my bed
Randomize
