I thought she would fill the void you created. Turns out she thought I just wanted to fill hers.
I almost hooked up with this girl last night. she had a tattoo of a cardinal next to her cooter. said it reminded her of her grandpa
I realize that when i start making 24-themed music videos in my head to the song 'love is a battlefield' that i really need to get out more
non applicator tampons are so hard to put in when your drunk. i fingered myself for 10 minutes and forgot what i was trying to do.
we need to get ahold of those "sexting" teens on tyra. HAWT!
wasnt one 13?
woke up to an overdrawn credit card. did you order the dawsons creek boxset last night?
i hope so.
Writing apology letters and leaving them on peoples doors for your actions is NOT what I want to be doing at 6am.
My knee is bleeding. This cheeseburger is the 3rd thing I made out with today and I think I got a job with the ducks. Catalina is poppin
In your defense, I really thought capturing that alligator would have been a lot more awesome and a lot less tragic.
RIP Mr Bojangles.
Pretty sure I'm going to hell because of our friendship
Last one there wins
It is becoming increasingly more likely that my entire halloween costume will be entirely composed of borrowed clothing from the two girls I'm hooking up
My mom just told me my dad shaves his pubes while drunk and I don't know how to feel anymore.
I'm drinking your booze since you ate my pop-tarts. I'm telling you this because I still don't think it's a fair trade.
Went up to some dude that hit on Laura and told him he has a voice like a grandma. Apparently didnt have muscles or kindness like grandma so can you pick me up at the ER please?
My one night stand asked me out to dinner. When he came to pick me up I got in the back seat. I thought he sent an uber. Awkward.
Randomize
