You blewit but ill be back in laekciew tonigthso calll mee
i threw up in his kitchen sink and then used a measuring cup to drink water because i couldn't find a clean glass. i just threw up down the stairs. it's gonna be a long walk home.
you were so high you spent the rest of the night smelling pepper to prove you can sneeze with your eyes open
The last shot i remember taking was toasted to "love, sex, and magic". Needless to say I was 0 for 3 on that toast for the night.
It says i should accept HIV aids as my friend on facebook.We have 12 friends in common. I need new friends.
why do you have a stuffed bear wearing a thong and a seatbelt in your backseat??
Go to petsmart and tell me if the dog trainer is the guy I slept with friday. Thanks.
He drew a bath for me. It was only cute until he started throwing in celery and calling me soup.
Oh that's what I forgot last night.. To make out with her.
Basically I don't wanna put on pants...but I'm stoked for drinking my face off tomorrow.
I'm sorry, you're actually right. Ostrich racing happens, and they're ridden like a horse. Bewildered and distraught.
She looks like a hot George Washington...I'm going for it
Bud... Did you mean to tweet a picture of your dick? If not just letting you know.
There's a point in life when you've got to take dick like a big girl.
Don't come in. My door to my bathroom won't close because of the table and I'm pooping
Classy
Randomize
