Just saw my neighbor passed out in his front yard, leg stretching into the road. Full beer in his hand.
Worst part was I had to fart super bad and didn't want to ruin the room so I farted in a pillow and threw it under the bed.
I woke up at 2 in my clothes with a defrosted steak in my pocket, no drinky this week at all.
i'm pleased to announce i can now open a bottle of wine with my shoe if called upon to do so.
I just ran into the couch, vagina first.
I hope you got dinner out of it
My worst case scenario tonight is that I fuck a hot Swiss girl. Let that give you perspective on my life at the moment.
My pussy is making all kinds of justifications that my mind would have no patience for if it was still in charge
I am self-sufficient. I puked in a wine glass and emptied it in the trash. Points for style and neatness
I can pinpoint my loss of innocence as the moment I started masturbating with my teddy bears
I asked the subway guy how many cookies he thought I could smuggle into the bar. He said it looked like a 6 packer. he was correct
Today marks the 365th consecutive day of jerkin it. I couldn't have done it without you guys. #onlynewyearsresolutionaccomplished
Haha, how do I word that nicely? "You got me to the edge of no return twice and failed to let me orgasm, therefore you owe me chicken nuggets or hot wings. Your decision"
The main motivators in my life are my sex drive and spite
like, you weren't just lying there, you were wrapped in what appeared to be the skin of a wolf, chanting doomsday prophecies
THE END IS NEIGH
Compositionally, that's actually a really nice picture.
And your penis looks really nice too.
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