he wouldnt have sex with me because his guild had a misson on world of warcraft.
we were playing true or dare on a webcam chat and i was way to drunk ...i ended up having to drink my own piss outta a beer bottle, life couldnt get any worse right now
finding my wedding ring encrusted in vomit this morning really just topped off last night...
I think we should bring back the casual nipple tassel
5am update: in a toga seeing triple made out with both sexes
I totally just somersaulted to the bathroom to avoid moving out of my fetal position
I don't know if I should be concerned or impressed.
The trees feel like magic. Come fly to taco bell with me.
BOOTY CALL IN EFFECT, BOOTY CALL IN PROCESS, BOOTY CALL ACCEPTED, AND BOOTY CALL INITIATES FRIDAY NIGHT.
He was leaving the restaurant I was going to as I was parking. I didn't want to scream, "hey, didn't I jerk you off?" Out of my window at 10 am
Wedding party came into the bar an hour ago. Mother of the bride is a stage five clinger. send help.
And if you put this on Facebook, I will drop live cockroaches in your mouth while you sleep and then smother you with a pillow.
You always say the most romantic things
I had the choice between 9 burritos and 1 girl...
And...?
I passed up getting laid last night. It's almost been a YEAR - what the Hell was I thinking, being so choosy??
Okay, but that still doesn't explain all the glitter in my puke.
welp, we watched the human centipede high last night and my mind literally shut down, when i came to all i could hear was mel saying EAT EAT HIS SHIT
Randomize
