My niece just called my sister in law a teabagger. I love NPR and it's corrupting influence on small children
I asked him if his doormat had a name, then proceeded to sit on it for the next 30 minutes while signing that magic carpet ride song from aladdin.
Who would we be if we didn't go out to drink during finals week? NOBODY
I found ecstasy taped in my armpit... thank you drunk Marissa.
As I was brushing his cum out of my hair he looks at me and says "it happens to me all the time."
Whiskey and I have a long and stories tradition of excellence
He literally cried into his tacos and screamed fuck bitches. Don't know if it was the best, or the worst hook up, ever.
I still have that dildo-suction bruise on my forehead and this sweater STILL smells like my Christmas Eve vomit.
just stepped out my front door and let the wind dry my naked body because I was too lazy to go search for a clean towel that may not even exist. I could live like this forever
I have just discovered the land of milk and honey. and by milk i mean vodka and by honey i mean tequila.
don't take this the wrong way, but I'm not drunk but I need you to take me to the ER and you're the most likely to not be drunk now.
Come over. Bring drugs. My sister is making cookies. She took Valium. They should be badass cookies.
I really hope this is just a phase, because I am not capable of carrying both of our drunken whore asses through life. Too much dead weight....
I still dont see how i drunkenly impressed your mom
Unfortunately the rum ran out midway through our viewing and we had to suffer in silence for the rest of it.
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