even a "fuck you" would be nice at this point.
dude. late night with jimmy fallon isnt even funny. the people in the audience there to see him dont even think hes funny.
kinda like you and your friends.
Never name a vibrator after ashton kutcher
Your drunken mistake is coming over to see if she wants to buy any of our furniture. I know youre desperate, but try not to fuck her, without a condom, for a fourth time, while shes there.
This girl named her kid Rainforrest. If I die, just know it was from laughing so fucking hard.
If everything I've heard is true, then she's lost her virginity three times
I maybe late, he's in a peeing contest with the neighbor's dog. Currently he's in the lead.
Kegstand on crutches, you need to get on my level.
I told him he could fuck me once he could grow a beard. Never expected seeing him ten years later with a goatee and a great memory...
Just ignore his excessive use of exclamation points and be happy this one is of age.
You fucker.
I just had a drunk lesbian experience.... How do I break it to my boyfriend??
Come over. I have beer, your weird ass vegan pizza, and a raging hard on.
Marry me.
I will consider it. I need to determine if ogling him is worth almost certain death via zipline.
When I met you, I was just like "who the fuck is this drunk chick throwing up on my bed?" But I'm glad we're friends now
His wife isn’t coming to the wedding! I’ve got 48 hours to home wreck him. Gotta go, I have to shave my vajayjay and buy some really slutty underwear. Love you!
Randomize