worst 3rd wheel sitch ever. i'm crammed into a booth with him and chubs mcgee and his hand is between her legs. thank youuu karma.
I never Thought the day id see a chick shove a 2liter up her vag. that happened last night
It's like Facebook knows when I'm about to masturbate and tells me to reconnect with exes.
The Shake Weight not only toned my arms but significantly improved my hand job form and efficiency.
I still can't figure out why that's not in the commercial.
I can only imagine the horrible things my future wife is doing on spring break right now.
If I can't get a one-legged man to love me, what the hell chance do I have with a NORMAL guy???
Yes. It's so easy to pack to leave when you've thrown away half your clothing cause it smells like vomit.
All of the sudden your world had become nothing but the sum of visible dicks. Welcome to life.
I think we should have realized the night was going to be nuts when it started with a bum dying in front of my house.
I took a hang over nap infront of the door to my 9am class
We fed him just...so many bright colored crayons when he was blacked out. I hope he looks at his shits because this could be all for nothing
Can rosie odonnell just not be a lesbian? Shes stressing me out, knowing we bat for the same team.
Just an fyi, you also tried to wrangle a peacock last night.
Sooo, my mother is snoring, my ex is sexting me, the guy I'm having an affair with is sending me dick pics, and all I want to do is sleep!
So how do I tell him I've been sleeping with his wife too?
Randomize
