We had a race to see who could chug their vodka tonic faster. College doesn't seem to be working for me... I'm getting exponentially dumber
He doesn't fuck you and he's married, why do you keep letting him cum all over your stomach?
In the hopes he'll just put it in one day?
I just had a dream that I was pulling you around downtown on a sled, from bar to bar. Dear lord if we start that there's no hope for us
Night just started and I've already seen a woman headbutt a brick wall. Unintentionally. Epic to say the least
We need large glitter to throw at people to signify our mystic nature
Fuck their feelings and their drinks they will get hit with sparkly confetti
I woke up at 4 am to a guy curled up in the fetal position sobbing in our front yard. Oh college.
right now I need to figure out a smart way to get an accurate picture of his dick so I know what in dealing with, right now in flying blind.
Don't forget Giraffe in your car! If we show up in the same outfit without animal heads we're just gonna look weird.
We peed together in a dark alley while holding hands. That is a bond that can never be broken.
he thought it would be funny to put his dick inside a beer bottle and wear it around. until we all realized how small his dick would have to be to fit in a beer bottle
What the matter? A girl can't play some Super Mario without being accused of being high?
You tried crawling through the apartment window instead of going through the wide open door next to it
Everyone should just give me a copy of their keys. I take your dog out and I bring beer.
Mom said it is up to us to plan Thanksgiving. Hooters or Scores?
Or???
To describe how high he was he said, " I'm cocked out of my ape sandwich" so yes...that was some pretty good weed.
Randomize
