It's amazing how much jurassic park has contributed to my life recently
he is so annoying
so stop sleeping with him
yeah but he is so hot when i'm drunk
I just turned in a 4 page paper spelling absolute as "absolut" every single time. I'm an alcoholic
I just got home. Seriously all I remember is taking out my contacts and putting your balls in my mouth.
now you know why we've never bought a 12 pack of king cobras before.
I've been thinking about it and if we ever have a threesome it'll start off with us clothed solely in our matching fur vests
I just tripped out to the Angel of Music from Phantom of the Opera in my car. Wayyyy to high for shuffle right now.
well it got awkwardly quiet so i looked up, slapped his stomach, said "youre the best!" while pointing at him, and went right back to sucking his dick.
And then we made magical love in his room under a blacklight as his roommate and girlfriend argued violently in the living room
Man, I meant to go dancing, but accidentally took mushrooms and just threw the frisbee in the park
Surprise ending
Oh by "being festive" I mean make tacos for dinner.
I may have been mad at the Supreme Court/patriarchy and tried to hate fuck myself.
Literally I can feel my heart beat in my vagina because of how sore I am
Bleach your asshole, I'm on my way.
Who is this?!?!
I was pretty pissed in the morning when I realized he had fucked the fake tattoo right off my chest.
Randomize
